Relationship Coaching
Are You Finding It Difficult To Communicate With Your Significant Other?
Is a lack of communication between you and your partner causing you to feel lonely and unseen?
Are certain responsibilities being neglected or taking longer because you’re having trouble getting on the same page?
Is this communication frustration getting in the way of emotional and physical intimacy?
When we can’t communicate with our partners effectively, it can make life feel pretty hopeless. Aside from connecting on a deep, emotional level, gaps in communication can affect daily life at home, causing things like household chores, parenting, and finances to become a source of conflict. Amid all this stress, it’s normal to begin feeling unwell, whether you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or lacking motivation to do the things that would otherwise bring you closer together and improve your mood.
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How Has Your Relationship Become Stuck?
Couples can make meaningful attempts to negotiate and find mutual agreement, but too often, the results don’t last. I work with a lot of clients who have entered into a cycle of disappointment and overcompensation that merely feeds negativity in the relationship.
For instance, one spouse may agree to take on a task like waking the kids up and getting them ready for school—only to sleep in and make the other partner liable for their care. That partner will then inevitably feel resentful, avoiding their spouse for the rest of the day. In these situations, sex often becomes a currency rather than an active, enjoyable shared moment, done out of a sense of obligation or guilt than out of a sense of desire.
If any of this sounds familiar, know that you are not alone. Many couples experience communication setbacks that adversely impact their ability to feel close, connected, and intimate. My relationship coaching program seeks to guide clients in identifying underlying patterns and creating actionable goals to help couples escape harmful cycles and “stuck” points.
Though Both Of You Are Working Hard To Relieve Tension In Your Relationship, Your Strategies May Be Contributing To Unhealthy Cycles
So many couples fall into the rut of demanding schedules, obligations, and tensions both in and outside of the relationship. Though the connection often starts out strong, these issues can quickly take on a life of their own, causing the relationship to spin out and get trapped in cycles that can be difficult to overcome without the outside help of a coach or therapist.
Not knowing how to identify these patterns—let alone ease them—causes many partners to blame and try to fix each other rather than focusing on oneself and the system that has been created by both individuals.
Patterns To Watch For
In general, there are four patterns that couples get caught in when in a desperate desire to relieve tension.
These patterns are:
Borrowed Functioning – relieves tension by forcing one partner into the role of “The Capable One” who picks up the slack of the “Incapable One.” Neither one is, in actuality, more capable than the other.
These are patterns where people get stuck in these roles. Both sides represent each individual’s way of handling tension. The pattern is automatic, reciprocal, and unconscious.
Conflict (and resolution) – relieves tension by creating an explosive interaction that is then repaired out of a sense of shame or guilt.
Emotional Triangles – relieves tension by giving each partner an outlet outside of the relationship (i.e., friends and family members) that affords them the opportunity to vent even though negative emotions continue to fester.
Distance – underlies all of the above patterns. Authentic communication is replaced by the reflexive feelings and actions above.
From this perspective, we can see how many couples become trapped in the same old cycles and disagreements over and over again. After years of this, it’s completely understandable to feel like giving up and retreating to your own corners, but this distance can quickly wear a marriage down as resentment builds.
Coaching gives you concrete tools for identifying and overcoming unhealthy relationship patterns. Working together in my coaching program, you and your partner can escape the tension so that you feel lighter, closer, and excited about the relationship again.
The Relationship Coaching Program Through My Practice Can Help You Make Meaningful Changes As A Couple
The motto of my relationship coaching program is “A problem well defined is half solved,” meaning that a major function of this process will be to name and understand the cycle of conflict. As we explore your emotional patterns, personality differences, and underlying resentments, we’ll be better able to define and thus deconstruct the system keeping you stuck and dissatisfied.
What To Expect
My coaching program is designed as a 12-week experience with one session a week and is available to couples of all backgrounds, including those who are straight, LGBTQIA+, parents, married, or in long-term relationships. A thorough assessment will be completed at the beginning of the process to define core issues more clearly, and weekly check-ins via text or email will help to reinforce progress between weekly sessions.
Throughout the program, we will be asking questions like What is the emotional pattern at play? Where are your personalities compatible, and where do they differ in a way that creates tension? What part do you play? What mask do you wear? To what degree do you trust yourself? To what degree are you trustworthy to your partner? Are outside relationships—including those with your kids or other family members—complicating things further? What sexual miscommunications are present?
Exploring the answers to these questions will allow us to tailor the coaching process in a way that offers realistic, achievable objectives for your relationship. Furthermore, we may determine that a course of Neurofeedback is necessary to heal old wounds. With the new insights you gain through these interventions, you are likely to find that you are able to communicate with one another more calmly and clearly.
As a seasoned relationship coach and marriage therapist, I know what it takes to get couples unstuck. This work allows you to understand who you really are in your relationship and what your role is in the system that both of you have created together. But who you are is not a list of qualities; it’s how you think, feel, and act in your most intimate relationships. Coaching is an opportunity to work towards the best you possible so that your relationship can thrive.
Still Unsure If A Coach Can Help Your Relationship Improve?
How will we know whether we need relationship coaching or marriage counseling?
Part of the assessment process is helping you determine whether coaching or counseling will benefit your unique relationship concerns—all of which will depend on your goals, prior experience in therapy, and current mental health struggles. Luckily, as a certified relationship coach and marriage therapist, I am qualified to work with you in either capacity.
Working with a relationship coach will be too expensive.
Unlike counseling sessions that can go on indefinitely, coaching offers you the benefit of knowing exactly what you are going to pay since there is a set fee. Plus, your time is maximized through this process thanks to the brain training you will receive via Neurofeedback.
Is the coaching process confidential?
If your relationship is suffering from the effects of poor communication, underlying resentment, and emotional distance, my coaching program is designed to help couples understand and overcome the unhealthy cycles keeping them stuck. For more information about my services, . Relationship coaching is available online to couples throughout Colorado and Georgia.
Link to contact.
A Problem Well Defined Is A Problem Half Solved
If your relationship is suffering from the effects of poor communication, underlying resentment, and emotional distance, my coaching program is designed to help couples understand and overcome the unhealthy cycles keeping them stuck. For more information about my services contact me. Relationship coaching is available online to couples throughout Colorado and Georgia.
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