How To Heal After A Breakup

How To Heal After A Breakup: Transform Your Emotional Pain Into Growth

Going through a breakup is devastating. Whether it’s a marriage, a long-term partnership, or a short relationship there are a lot of emotions to manage.

Your whole world changes.

You’re uncertain about the future.

You’re confused, angry, and sad.

It’s hard to simply “move on.”

Going through a breakup is a form of grieving. And it’s not easy.

Today we’re going to discuss how to cope with a breakup, learn how to heal from a breakup, and even recognize when it’s time to get professional help.

With decades of experience, our therapists understand that breakups are hard. We want to help you work through it.

Coping With a Breakup: Processing Your Emotions

There are a lot of emotions that go into coping with a breakup, processing it, and healing from it.

Relationship loss can trigger a lot of feelings such as:^1,2

Disbelief
Fear
Anger
Resentment
Betrayal
Sadness
Confusion
Loneliness
Shock
Anxiety
Rejection
Sadness
Grief

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the emotions you feel. It’s not uncommon to feel opposing emotions at the same time – relief and loneliness.

A newfound sense of freedom and sadness.

There is no right or wrong way to feel after a breakup. Going through a breakup is complicated – even if you’re the one who initiated it!

Acknowledging and recognizing your feelings after a breakup is important. Give yourself permission to feel these emotions and take your time.

How Long Does it Take to Heal From a Breakup?

When it comes to healing from a breakup, everyone is different. Breakups are complicated and often have a significant impact on your life. Your breakup might trigger a profound sense of loss and grief in other areas of your life.

Your social dynamics might change – you might lose mutual friends or lose your partner’s family. You might need to find a new place to live. You need to navigate co-parenting. You’re dealing with these changes while grieving the loss of the life you built with this person. It takes time to process and work through.¹

Everyone goes through a grieving process during a breakup. You may still grieve the loss of a relationship if you’re the one who ended it or if you wanted the breakup.^1,2

That’s ok.

Give yourself some grace and don’t rush yourself through the process. It’s easy to judge yourself on what you “should” do or how you “should” be handling it. Judging yourself like this won’t help you move forward. Everyone’s healing journey will be different.

Nobody can tell you exactly how long it will take to heal from your breakup. There are things you can do to help yourself move forward when you’re ready. This is a time to focus on taking care of yourself and allowing time for personal growth.

Here are five things you can start doing today to help you heal after a breakup.

How to Heal After a Breakup

There are so many different things you can do to help yourself get through this difficult time.

If you’re unsure how to navigate this process, here are a few things you can start doing today.

Take care of yourself

Taking care of yourself is crucial. This is going to look different for everyone. If you’re really struggling, focus on just the basics. Make sure your eating, sleeping, and keeping a basic routine. You’re going through a lot of changes but routines you can rely on will help you feel safe and secure. Exercising and journaling can help. Whatever you choose, make sure you’re taking the time to nourish your physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Go at your own pace

Give yourself the time you need to process your emotions and grieve the loss of your relationship. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and work through them. Set boundaries with friends or family that are pushing you to move through this faster than you can.

Let go of the “why”

You may know exactly why your relationship ended. Sometimes it’s not as clear and the breakup can be confusing. This is extremely difficult when you just want answers. Your partner might not be truthful with you or they may not want to hurt you. If you can’t get the answers you’re looking for, finding closure might be more difficult – but it’s not impossible. It may take you longer to find closure but in the meantime, you can use this time for self-reflection and personal growth.

Self-reflection and personal growth

Going through a breakup can be a great time for self-reflection and discovering what you want out of life.

Are you living the life you truly want?

This is a great time to reevaluate your personal values. Did you sacrifice any of your personal values for the sake of the relationship? (Don’t worry, this happens to the best of us!) Now is a great time to get to know yourself outside of your relationship and focus on the future.

You may want to ask yourself a few self-reflection questions:

What went well in the relationship?
What are your future goals?
What do you want in a partner?
What can you learn for future relationships?

Lean on your support system

This is a great time to lean on friends, family, and even a therapist. Talking with a trusted support system can help you process your feelings, get advice and help you feel less alone.¹

These are great ways to get started healing from a breakup but sometimes you need extra support. Let’s talk about when you might need to seek professional help in dealing with a breakup.

When to Get Help From a Therapist

Sometimes you may need to talk to a professional to help work through a breakup or relationship loss.

That’s ok. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking the support you need to get through a tough time.

Give yourself permission to lean on professionals who understand that breakups can have a significant impact on your life.

You can always seek out support from a therapist if you want. You should always consider talking to a therapist if your breakup is interfering with your everyday life or you’re:

Engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms
Depressed or anxious
Feeling like your identity has been lost
Not taking care of yourself
Trying to cope on your own but you just aren’t making progress

A therapist is a neutral, non-judgmental person to create safe space for you to express yourself. A therapist can help you get a new perspective on your breakup, provide emotional support, and help you set new goals for yourself.

Working with a therapist after a breakup can help you gain…..

A better sense of self
Positive self-esteem
A better perspective of the relationship
Clarity on where you are in your life now and where you’re going
Positive coping strategies
A plan to reach your personal goals

Get Started With Online Therapy After a Breakup

I’m a licensed therapist ready to help you process your emotions after a breakup or a divorce. I know relationships are complex. I understand the impact relationship loss has on your life.

Feel empowered to trust yourself again and confidently make the best decisions for your life.

I provide online therapy for relationship loss and divorce support. When you work with me, I help you:

Be the best version of yourself! We work to find solutions and empower you to make the right decisions for you.
Identify negative thoughts, feelings, and patterns in your life and help you to make necessary changes.
Work toward your goals while being flexible about what you’re going through in your life. (We’ll always be very intentional with your time and work towards your goals!)
Identify and work through how relationships impact everyone in your family. When we understand a family system, we can work through your concerns and help you develop a new perspective.

If you’re ready to start online therapy or relationship coaching to help you heal from a breakup, contact me today.

References

Coping With A Breakup or Divorce. Helpguide.org
Grieving After A Breakup: 6 Strategies To Help You Heal. Cleveland Clinic. 2019