For many people, their perception of PTSD comes from the way the media depicts it. Often, PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, is shown as something that commonly impacts soldiers who go to war, police officers, firefighters, or paramedics.
Unfortunately, there are many more examples of what can cause PTSD. Some common instances of PTSD are car accidents, witnessing or being the victim of a crime, abuse of any kind, or surviving a natural disaster. It can happen to anyone, at any age, for any reason. Trauma, after all, is an emotional response to a highly distressing situation or event.
When it comes to infidelity, trauma is a normal yet agonizing and torturous reaction. If you think you are experiencing PTSD symptoms after infidelity, you are not alone.
Signs of PTSD
First, we’ll start with the basics of PTSD. No two people will experience PTSD after the affair in the same way. With that said, there are symptoms that people commonly experience. These may include:
- Flashbacks
- Nightmares
- Intrusive thoughts
- Insomnia
- Stomach aches
- Headaches
- Muscle tension
- Stimming (a range of repetitive movements and behaviors)
- Avoidant behaviors
- Anger, irritability, or rage
- Appetite changes
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms (such as alcohol or substance use)
- Withdrawing from support systems or social circles
Infidelity PTSD Symptoms
The phrase “broken heart” minimizes the real trauma caused by infidelity. Everything you thought you knew about your marriage now feels wrong. The disorientation is profound. In fact, you might look up the book: Post Infidelity Stress Disorder by Dennis C. Ortman.
You may have painful flashbacks. Or, you may have intrusive thoughts that you can’t get out of your mind. It’s not uncommon to experience symptoms similar to depression, such as appetite changes or loss of interest in activities. Panic attacks, extreme insomnia, and other health issues are not uncommon.
Experiencing any type of trauma leaves you stuck in a cycle of ruminating on painful thoughts. You might cycle through thousands of what-if questions or may even place the blame on yourself. “Maybe if I had just…or what if they had…” Treating trauma involves not only high-quality psychotherapy, it may also require direct support to heal the brain such as neurofeedback, psychedelic assisted psychotherapy, or EMDR—three proven methods for treating PTSD.
How to Move Forward After Infidelity
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
If you are like most couples, you are wondering if you should leave the marriage or stay and try to work it out. The more important question, however, isn’t should I stay or should I go. The more important question is: regardless of whether I stay or if I go, who will I become in this process? Who do I yearn to become? This is a question that infidelity counseling can help with. An unbiased third party can help you both address the underlying issues and find a peaceful resolution that will work for the betterment of you both. But treating the trauma directly will be key.
There is nothing like the perspective infidelity brings. Take your time. You don’t have to make big decisions now. Unless you are ready. Seeking help to navigate all the stages of healing and recovery—whether married or divorced—can give you the strength you need.
Learn more about overcoming infidelity PTSD with infidelity counseling or contact me to get started.
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